LADIES’ TOAST
(Or Words of Wisdom to the Brethren!)
When you are getting ready, to go out to a do
These words of worldly wisdom, I would like to offer you.
I speak from past experience, and know just what happens,
When we men are bathed and dressed, and you girls are still in wrappers.
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"Now darling I must tell you, the time is half past five
The reception is at six o’clock, and we’ve got five miles to drive".
Now Brethren as well you know, if these words you utter,
The next thing that will happen, is a very ominous mutter.
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With water hot up to the brim, into the bath she’ll climb
And never seems to give a thought, to the passing of the time.
By now we are on tenterhooks, as the time it seems to flash
And all that we can hear of her, is splash and splash and splash.
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We listen to the gurgle, of the water running out
When to the bathroom we are called, by a loud imperious shout.
"Come inside and shut the door, it’s draughty if you don’t,
Pass the towel off the rail, and mind the powder on your coat".
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Now down into the lounge we go, perhaps to have a drink,
To dull the thoughts of passing time, of which we dare not think.
By now it’s almost six o’clock, and your ulcer starts to twitch
And yet she seems so unconcerned - we think, still without a stitch.
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And then we think we’re hearing things, as she is heard to shout,
"My dress has got a little crease, I’ll have to iron it out".
Now we poor men so patient, are driven to suggest,
The reception will be over, and we’ll be the latest guest.
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But this mistake is fatal, to utter words so true
It was our fault right from the start, as I will show to you
Shirt and socks and evening dress, we’re ready in our sight,
When we began preparing, for our festive night.
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What would we do without you, preparing for occasions of this sort,
What would we do without you, and your help and your support.
Tie my tie and cufflinks link, are personal requests,
They all take time for you to do, before you can get dressed.
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So please accept our grateful thanks, for everything you do,
And to say again how pleased we are, to have ladies such as you.
So to the ladies here today, be they friends, sweethearts or wives,
We wish to thank you very much, for lighting up our lives,
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And so before my chair resume, my toast to you complete,
There is a message from the Brethren, which to you I must repeat.
Our wish to all you gorgeous girls, be you long or short or tall
Is to wish you health and happiness, and to say we love you all.
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Author Unknown
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